The Confessions of a Serial Motorcyclist - Life on the Road - Driving

There are a few vague rules, garnered from my observations about  safely traveling on a motorcycle. A different set of understandings  other than just the basic when to yield, emergency stops and looking out ahead while negotiating curves. These observations if not considered can cause great harm, delay and of course, what you really hate, your brother gets your bike. Here are a few of these observations.

When you are stopped by the police in any number of Spanish speaking countries it can be of course somewhat alarming. Sometimes you can avoid stopping by simply waving back and speeding up. They really don't want to chase you. If you find that stopping is absolutely necessary, the reasons might be for money, to check out your bike or of course because the cop really hates you. When you are stopped by the money cop and in my travels I have never paid a bribe, you could be in for quite a lengthy process. In Peru and Bolivia where corruption is still the mainstay diet of the police force you could be stopped two or three times each day. Once you are informed as to what they have discovered is wrong with your driving, papers or your bike, just relax. They will eventually tell you the cost. It has ranged between 5 dollars and 175 dollars. Once they have given you the amount, inform them apologetically that you are more than willing to pay the bribe\ fine. Just not right there in the gully on the side of the road. Tell them you will follow them to the police station.  This statement usually elicits any number of responses. That's not possible because it is to far, over three mountains or we don't have enough gas, etc. At this point if you are like me you just want to be done with this and get going again. Usually what works in this situation is a quick trip over to the bike to gather your pen, notebook and cell phone. Working or not, it doesn't matter it will have the same effect. Take your time and be noticed writing down their vehicles plate number. Ask them their names and if you can their superior officers name. When they ask why you want all this info. Just say you have to call the US embassy and verify the charges before you pay. It has never failed to get us out of the situation and you usually are back on the road in 10 minutes.

The other reason, dealing with the really bad cop has happened a couple of times and there is really nothing you can do. This is the cop who you would swear was on that last towns Wanted Dead or Alive poster or the guy whose had a fever all his life. Scars all over their bodies these guys are usually very well armed. A couple of pistolas, maybe some automatic weapons or sawed off shotgun and the proverbial knife sticking out of his neck. Don't worry he is not hurt its been there his whole life. Upon questioning I have found that when you don't completely understand what’s being said by these cops, as long as the question being asked doesn't contain the words drogas(drugs), pistolas( guns ), or sexo (sex) always first answer Si. Closely watch his expression, looking for any sign of disapproval, if none, you will quickly move to the next question. If disapproval is evident just change your answer to No. People do change their minds and after several rounds of this they figure you are just an idiot and are so glad that they are not like you, they usually are happy to just get rid of you and let you go. Don't try to speak too much Spanish, sometimes less is more. Just keep your gun ready and drugs well hidden.

Venezuela is filled with 70ish General Motors vehicles that have been rescued from the crusher and have seen better days. Cars that bob and weave, spewing smoke and dripping gas. These rides are referred to as maternity wards in the State of Wisconsin in the good old USA. The other day in the rain I followed what I would consider an expert driver, handling one of these beasts. I was ascending a 14,000 foot pass, came around one of many a turn and right in front of me, in my lane, I saw a pair of headlights. Funny, they weren't getting any closer.  This guy was driving up the mountain, switchbacks and all, at a pretty decent speed, backwards. I was in awe watching him maneuver. There was no way he could be doing this, his head wasn't even out the window. Why get wet I guess if you don't have to. I followed him for several miles trying to figure out how to drive Coco backwards but couldn't come up with a way. 

Driving on the narrow secondary roads in Venezuela can sometimes be quite a harrowing experience. Filled to the brim with what I like to call Pot Holes, Pot Strips(all the way across and so deep you can't even see the bottom), and of course Pot Mirages. We all know what those are. You will be just driving along maybe making a slight turn when suddenly in front of you is a old General Motors product coming right at you, in your lane. What would you do, brake? There are no shoulders to pull off onto. Switch to his side? Maybe he is British and just wants to feel at home. Accelerate to get it over with more quickly? Well, I have had to do all of the above. It took me awhile to comprehend why they were in my lane driving at breakneck speeds. Was this just some game of gringo pollo. It became my advance road condition warning system or ARCS. I finally came to the conclusion that they were telling me that my side of the road was in so much better shape than theirs, that I should be happy, content so to speak that I had the better lane. Don’t even waste your time flipping your middle finger. They just consider it your way of telling them they are number one or the direction you are pointing, is there way to heaven. Just relax, try to stay calm while you scream in your helmet.

Barbed wire is funny stuff. I always thought that it was meant to keep farmyard animals contained somewhere. A new use has been discovered in the Venezuelan Andes. You can actually use it instead of guardrails on the highest of cliffs. So tell me what would you rather do. #1. Ride right off an unprotected turn and land somewhere down below and wait a few weeks for the rescue team to find you. #2. Crash into the lightly strung barbed wire with you and the bike getting all twisted up in it and then plunge over the side and hang their in mid air, sitting upright, on the bike, maybe with the engine still running and wait two weeks for the rescue team to arrive. In the second scenario, my choice, you can see the logic involved. Shorter rescue time, the rescue man doesn’t have to go traipsing around down below searching for whatever went over. Just hoist up the wire and there you have your accident victim all wound up neatly like some psycho Christmas tree ornament.

Well that’s it for now! I hope some of these observations and comments will be applicable to your daily driving back home.