Kidnappings, Push-Up Bras and Little Horsies???

It has been a while since we crossed into Colombia from Ecuador. I must say that initially it was with a bit of apprehension. Expecting all types of personal and physical calamities to befall us at any time. Murder and mayhem. Bullets to whiz by, random kidnappings three  times each day and countless searches by the ever present military.

Well, none of that has happened fortunately and we continue riding  from the south to the north and are currently approaching the Guajira Peninsula. The northern most peninsula in South America. Home to the Wayuus. A hot dry place where you can eat Iguana stew with coconut. The Wayuus are extremely independent and like to remove their road signs to stay that way.  The children have string roadblocks and request candy to allow you to pass. How can you refuse!

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We have discovered in Colombia one, if not the most beautiful countries in South America. The landscapes we have driven range from 15,000 foot Andean peaks, cloud rain forests, lower coastal mangrove wetlands, savannahs and deserted Caribbean beaches. Waterfalls, rivers, jungles are all present in great quantity. Flowers and butterflys line the roads. It has all been spectacular. I wish we could redrive many of our routes again and again. You wanted to get up each morning just to ride.

The people of Spanish, African and Indian descent are somewhat divided between the Andean areas of Bogota, Cali, Medellin and that of the northern Caribbean coast. Cartagena, Santa Marta and the small fishing village of Taganga, all beautiful places that are difficult to leave. Everywhere throughout these areas we have met a fun, friendly, family loving, industrious people who seem to live by one purpose in life, that life is about living to its fullest. Music, song and dance are everywhere.

The woman are beautiful in Colombia and lets just say the men are interesting. After Kristi left I found myself spending more than my normally allocated time gazing into the windows of the many lingerie shops. I would find myself asking, can you really do that with a piece of wire? or What could I carry home from the market with that one. Just honest red-blooded American male inquiries. Anyways my behavior had to end, I was being shooed away from the windows of some of the more upscale shops. So I decided I would crunch some numbers and do a little research. The original push-up bra company in Colombia called the Hold Em High LTD (roughly translated from Spanish) is sadly now out of business. Its demise was attributed to the lack of the proper gauge wire and competition from companies using more Frenchified names. But the industry still thrives. In just the last decade alone enough wire has been used in the manufacture of these bras to go back and forth thru the Panama Canal 1248 times. If that statistic doesn"t amaze you I have also found that a full 37% of the GDP in Colombia can be in some way attributed to push up bras. Believe me it shows!

Driving in Colombia though is another matter, especially in Bogota. I call this new style “Advantage Twitch Driving.” First off the city is going through a massive public transport redo called the Trans-Millenio. Double length buses zooming around in their own lanes in order to reduce congestion. And congestion there is. This is where the twitch driving happens predominately. You are in wall to wall traffic, stop and go maybe sometimes getting up to 25 miles an hour for a couple of blocks.

A small one half of a car space opens up in front of you and suddenly the driver on you left or right twitches his wheel and his car is now in front of you. This practice annoys the hell out of me. No blinkers, no can I please share your limited space just whop! Here I am. I find in reality you do not own any part of the lane except the exact space your tires are on. In the country driving is much better with the occasional pothole that you drive into and emerge from twenty minutes later.

So I have to tell you a little story. We left the town of Pijao that Kristi told you about and had a perfect drive to Salento and the Valle de Corcora. Kristi’s makeup looked perfect too! This valley is famous because it has striking vistas to the east of the Los Nevados mountains and is also home to the Palma de Cera or wax palm. 

Not only is this tree the national tree of Colombia but with its natural setting it is breathtaking to behold. The trees sit in a mist shrouded valley reaching upwards of 60 meters or close to 200 feet. The entrance to the valley was lined with horse stables.

You know it was a beautiful day and Kristi loves to go horseback riding and  to be truthful, I just love to watch horses go by! I really do prefer something with a motor between my legs that I can control.  Well, Kristi wanted to ride.

 I was hesitant at first, but as we do at times in life I consented and not so willingly got on top of “ Loco”. Name not to be confused with “ Poco “ which in hindsight I think would have been a whole lot better. The first thing that wasn’t quite right were the stirrups. The place where you try to get your extra wide motorcycle boots placed into, to help, I guess control the horse. 

Mine just wouldn’t fit. No matter how hard myself, the guide and the other riders tried, the stirrups were to narrow. Well not knowing how important stirrups really are or even how you used them and not wanting to really look more stupid than I already felt, we left with ½ of an inch of my boot sole touching in the front of each stirrup. 

The setting was absolutely stunning open meadows, cows grazing in the valleys with the wax palms higher up stretching into the mist. I was really getting into it. Then suddenly the terrain changed and so did Loco. We began an hour of straight forest climbing. The path all but disappeared, only now being sensed by the horses wanting to get us off their backs and return home. Back and forth straight up over stream boulders in piles like 2,000 watermelons all heaped together we rode. 

“You have to be kidding“ I said. “I wouldn’t even climb these structures on foot“. The horses crossed the stream we were following maybe 30 times while trying to navigate these wet slippery boulders. At this point Loco knew there was a somewhat scared Gringo sitting on his back and must have decided it was now his turn to dole out the abuse and totally control the situation. He would jump extra hard over the streams, land on one foot, spin on top of the boulder, slip down the other side and run as hard as he could toward that tree branch a little lower than my head. Luckily at this point of the ride I was starting to keep my eyes open so I was able to duck in time. Well we finally made it to the top, maybe 30,000 feet up.

 

“Where are the oxygen tanks” I asked the guide as we were handed a cup of hot chocolate with cheese floating in it. Hummingbirds sucked the nectar from wild orchids all around us. After a short stay the guide said it was time to go down. Down!! Is that the same as going up? No, he said it is not, its a little harder. Can’t we go horizontal for awhile? Please! No! Well going down was harder and I will have to tell you about it another time!

So if you are ever in Salento and visit the Valle de Corcora and wish to participate in a new sport, I have one. It’s called “ Extreme Horseback Riding”. Just ask for Loco when you arrive for the time of your life.

P.S. What Kristi mentioned in her blog about my excessive consumption of Aquardientes one night in Pijao, Colombia. Well it just isn't true. Here is a photo to prove it!

Talkie Soon!